Wednesday, July 8, 2015

5 Cures for the Super Summertime Blues

Sure, the colors are prob Photoshopped, but still looks better than Man of Steel
Usually whenever I'm in the ocean or a pool the feeling of weightlessness and ease of movement reminds me of the strange visitor from the planet Krypton. The height of Summer should be spotlight on sweet soul music and the superhero powered by hope and the same sun that will likely give me skin cancer if I don't keep applying the 50 SPF. Hope, I say.

Batman fares better in Gotham like New York "below Fourteenth Street at eleven minutes past midnight on the coldest night in November" according to Denny O'Neil. Maybe that's why I heard the Batmobile sucks in the new Arkham game and the identity of the Arkham Knight is gag worthy. No spoilers from me.

So, Superman  keep us cool and calm in these days of record breaking heat and political idiots.

 1. Watch the doc, The Death of "Superman Lives": What Happened?

 Already jaded by anticipation for Batman V. Superman: Dawn of "Do you bleed?" then I suggest pondering on what may have been with late 90s Cage goodness, as seen in Face Off, Con Air, and the only watchable Michal Bay product, The Rock. Although I don't believe Superman Lives is the greatest thing never made, it sure would have been unique, strange, and definitely worth viewing more than any of the other aborted Superman projects or the two that did get made. 

Since even before 9/11 Superman has been reduced to an Emo Jesus, and to be fair I think Tim Burton's vision of an alien outsider would have been a bit on the broody side, but I think Nic Cage could have brought something that has been missing from Superman on film since Christopher Reeve with arms firmly crossed asked, "General, would you care to step outside?" You know, the coolest scene from Superman II. Superman needs to be allowed to be cocky and tough sometimes, and if you're like me and think Sailor from Wild at Heart's monologue about his snakeskin jacket is the definition of a rebel with a cause then you know you don't tug on Nic Cage's cape. 

And he so would have killed it as a nerdy Clark Kent!

2. The Death and Life of Superman

 As a child reading comics in the 90s The Death of Superman and Batman: Knightfall are my stations of the cross and/or passion play, but unlike the Children's Illustrated Bible I had in Sunday school Metropolis was a little more believable than Jesus' Jerusalem because black people existed and one of them even turned out to be a savior for people in need. Just saying, John Henry Irons... terrible name and Shaq movie, but otherwise well written hero.

3. Best Live Action 90s Superman TV was Roswell

Name me a sexier Lois & Clark!
Remember the douba douba douba WB? Between Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Roswell with great analogues for Batman as Angel and Superman as Max Evans, we lived in a world where Twilight could have been enjoyable, rather than vomit inducing in it's misogyny and wooden characters.

So Roswell brought the sexy with three aliens hiding from a suspicious small time sheriff and later government agents and scientists trained on religiously viewing The X-Files. Oh and the writers threw in a literal star-crossed romance because The WB and will they/won't they steamy tension. You could substitute the names of characters and the town with the Superman canon and have something superior in every way from 3 seasons than the crap that went unchecked on 10 long and dull seasons of Smallville.

4. Elliot S! Maggin's Super Novels

Guest starring in Miracle Monday... Ray Bradbury... seriously

Now there's an S! that stands for hope!

These tie-in books fail in the best way at being a part of the first two Chris Reeve Superman movies, which I adore, but they bring the true blue Ka-El from the comics into prose, and that's no surprise since they're written by one of the earliest fans turned writers, Elliot S! Maggin. As great as Gene Hackman is as Lex Luthor, "We all have our little faults. Mine's in California", Maggin stays true to LL's mad scientist roots. As for his handle on CK, well, when confronted with an terrifying ultimatum from an actual minion of Hell, Superman simply laughs his ass off and then proceeds to outsmart both the demon and Luthor because there's nothing he can't do, except kill. I guess it must be against Zack Snyder and film company's religious beliefs to observe Miracle Monday, the greatest holiday throughout the Universe.

5. Bruce Springsteen's Superman Shirt Rip at 4:40

Yeah, I'm just little obsessed.


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